Emotional Relapse

Sasha died today around 12 this afternoon. We took her to the veterinarian where they tried to shave her free of the knotted fur that had been choking her. When we returned to the office we decided it would be more humane to euthenis her. As much as I believe that she is in a better place, I have still become very distraught about it.
I am grateful the conference was this weekend because it has granted me some much needed peace. In between sessions, we buried Sasha, I went to the eye doctor and got new glasses, and went shopping for curtain rods. I hate the optometrist. I don't think that I have seen the same one since my first time getting glasses. This one gave me the glaucoma test four times because the puffer was hand-held by a shaky physician. Then they dilated my eyes so that I couldn't see what pair of glasses that I wanted and my mom had to drive me home because I was blind. Red, puffy, dilated eyes are excellent to go out in public with. The only thing that would have made my experience better is if they had dyed the outside of my eyes purple. I don't think that I ever want to go back to that doc again. He also kept trying to sell me on lasic surgery; I am too poor to think about it.
Out of my whole family put together, I probably loved Sasha the most. I defiantly spent the most time with her and now that I know she won't be sitting on my window sill ever again, my heart starts to ache. What hurts the most is that when people die, we make them up to look their very best, and Sasha was buried half shaved, bruised, battered, and not the Sasha that I knew. She had a really hard life and I hope that she knew that we loved her. Good-Bye Sasha.